Starting Over, or Starting at All

It's the New Year, so let's start over, let's start something new!

Scary.

That's the word that first pops into my head.

It can be expanded to include anxiety-provoking, challenging, and frustrating.

But the basic point is, starting over or starting something, in general, can be, and often is, scary.

There's a reason people like to be scared. Maybe not in the moment, but afterwards, a lot of people turn around at the end of the haunted house and say "that was fun, let's do another." I am one of these people. It helps us feel stimulated by life in a way that we aren't used to.

The event leading up to this new start may be the scary part; *cough* house fire, *cough* (check the first blog post for more details on that one.)

Maybe it's the idea of the unknown that is scary. If we are changing direction, or switching lanes into something we've never done before, then we don't know how everything will turn out.

For me, the past few experiences of starting over have been for the better. They've resulted in change and personal growth that at first I resisted, but now I'm beginning to lean into. Many of my recent new "starts" have only led to bigger and better things in my life, but at the time I wasn't able to realize this, and instead focused on why everything could go wrong.

A friendship breakup in eighth grade meant starting high school with only a couple of close friends; I was terrified and hurt, I've carried this pain with me since and it's one of the hardest things to let go of.

But that meant that I was able to find freedom in high school, I wasn't trying to fit into any clique because I realized that's not where I was going to find true friends.

The house fire was traumatizing and horrific to watch, but it means my parents get to design the house they've always wanted, just the way they want to.

Starting my new job at the summer camp meant entering into a situation where I barely knew anyone. But at the end of the summer, I had a new family made of people who valued the same things I did and who liked me for the sarcastic, dark-humored person I naturally am.

I had a bit of a restart in college. I switched my major, which is a common thing, but I switched from a major where my course was laid out for me, to a major where I have to forge my own path.

This is scary.

I don't have a path planned out for me anymore, but I get to pick the classes I'll most enjoy.

I don't have any friends in my classes, but that means I get to make more.

I don't know where I'll end up or what career I want to chase after, but that means that I get to focus on enjoying the ride (which I admit is hard sometimes).

This new start is scary for me, but I'm learning to get excited about where life takes me, and the adventures that happen in the, sometimes, mundane daily life.

The scary parts of life are starting to bring hope and excitement.

I'm starting to lean into the scary and say "that was fun, let's do it again"; because I want to start loving life, all of it, in ways that I've forgotten to.

Whether you're scared of starting a business, or a new job. Whether it's scary to lean into the crazy adventures or add unusual things into your routine. I hope you can learn to lean into the scary and start to love the results in your life. I hope you can begin to turn around and want to start more things that scare you.

Starting may be scary, but look forward to the moment when you turn around and want to do it all again.

- M